“When in doubt, BYOB. You will always win when you love yourself” - Erica Mallery BYOB baby!
Self-love can be tough, but WHY? Why do we speak to ourselves so harshly when we'd never utter the same thing to anyone else (hopefully...) Why is it so easy to berate ourselves when we wouldn't dream of putting down someone we love in the same way?
Well, there are a ton of reasons why - from our culture telling us from a very young age what "perfect" looks like and what we're taught as we grow up to seeing and hearing how our family members treat themselves, it is no wonder we abuse ourselves verbally and emotionally. Do as I say not as I do, right? 👊 Here is how you can start to Be Your Own Bestie, today.
1. Start a tab Starting today, track every time you say something negative to yourself. You can simply just do a tally on your hand, in your phone, or keep a list in your pocket. This will bring to your awareness how often you say unkind (and likely very untrue things to yourself.) You likely only need a few days to get an idea of where your self-talk is on a scale of empowerment to beat'n'bash...
2. Write it down Take a few minutes to write down as many of these thoughts as you can think of. Don't think about it, just write down all that comes to mind. (I recommend physically doing this on a sheet of paper. Don't worry - no one but you needs to see it and you can even burn it if you'd like! This is also recommended - if you do so responsibly!)
3. Read it out loud Now, read your statements out loud. Warning: this may be incredibly hard to do as this is very sensitive and you've likely never said these words out loud in your life.
4. Tell your bestie Next, envision your best friend is in front of you and say these things out loud to her as if they're all about her. Wait, what?! Yes, exactly! You wouldn't. Because you love your bestie and you'd never want to hurt them. You also know these things are untrue and they're perfectly imperfect; a work in progress.
5. Channel your inner child Finally, channel your inner child. I recommend finding a picture of yourself that you LOVE! Here is mine - it just lights me up whenever I see it. That girl is such a cutie, full of life and love and innocence.
Think about reading your list to THIS younger self. What emotions come up? How does this make you feel? Do you want to run and hide? Protect her? Destroy anyone or anything who would want to hurt this perfect little being!?
Moving forward - whenever you start to criticize yourself - think of either your younger self or your bestie. What would you say to them? How would you help? What would you change in your approach for them that you aren't doing for yourself?
THIS will show you what YOU REALLY NEED IN THIS MOMENT.